Singles.

[lederhosen]

Last night while Rey was tidying the bedroom (we have floor again!) she found a phone number for a friend who vanished a year ago. When we announced we were going to the USA on honeymoon he said he'd visit us there - then, after buying tickets, pulled out at the last minute. At the time, we thought it must be something very serious, but he obviously didn't want to tell us what, so we didn't press him.

Well, we called him last night and found out what the deal is. The man is 45, and split from his wife a few years back. Now he's done the "must not be single! Will ensure affection of girlfriend by abandoning all previous friendship and interest groups!" thing.

Gaaaaaah. I understand our phone call is going to cause him some trouble, and I'm not in the least bit sorry.

I know quite a few of my LJ friends are single. Some of you because you have certain minimum standards, and are getting on with life rather than wait for somebody to show up who meets those standards. Others because you have other passions that take priority in your life. And some because you just don't feel the _need_ to be partnered. I'd just like to say that you are all sensible people for understanding that you don't NEED a partner to make you a whole person. And that you don't need to give up your friends and interests for it, neither.

Oh, and if you ever do what this guy did, I will hunt you down and hurt you until you see sense. Or not hurt you, as applicable.

Comments

[madcowmoo.livejournal.com]

ARG! I loathe it when people do that.

Or worse still, when they stay in the circle in a half-assed way. Ie, happily hang out with you and come to all events, but run/abandon/stand people up the moment any candidates tell them to jump so they can go and say "how high?".

Friends are NOT just a fill-in until something "better" comes along. grr.

[unsworn-nomore.livejournal.com]

Damned right. I could go on and on about why friends are in fact *better*... except for the sex bits, mostly.

[panacea1.livejournal.com]

Now finding friends for whom sex is a hobby...

But that goes places I'm not sure I want to, and besides , I already have enough hobbies that don't pay for themselves...

[reynardo.livejournal.com]

Now finding friends for whom sex is a hobby...

Such friends, if they are just friends, are priceless. It's nice to invite a friend up for dinner, movie and sex and know that the next day they'll kiss you goodbye and still be as good a friend. And if the evening ends up just being dinner movie and sleep, it doesn't matter either.

And it's nice to get cuddles.

It took me, however until I was 30 to realise there were worse things than to end up single. Good thing I did, too. If I'd met Geoffrey 10 years earlier, not only would he have been drastically underaged, but I wouldn't have been mature enough for him, either.

[unsworn-nomore.livejournal.com]

I have many friends for whom sex is a hobby. Many.

What I need is friends for whom sex with me is a hobby, or better yet, a vocation.

[panacea1.livejournal.com]

I've never been married, and the last exclusive relationship I had was some six or so years ago. It just hasn't been a priority, and I have more interesting things to do.

What startles me sometimes is realizing just how many people ARE married or partnered - because I tend to think of even my paired friends as individuals - I'm friends with Art, I'm friends with Rey, they happen to be married, so?
I do get vaguely weirded out by people who seem to exist as half of a unit.

Though sex is a lot cheaper than electricity for warming up the bedroom, I'll grant you that.

[silverblue.livejournal.com]

I'm known as part of 'Keith and Ceredwyn'.

This annoys me. Online it's different, since Keith barely exists here. But for a lot of people I am one half of a single entity. It took a while for a few people to have it drilled into them that because they tell ONE of us something it does NOT mean we both know...

[turnberryknkn.livejournal.com]

(nods nods) A lot of very deep issues in a very short entry.

In a sense, we all choose what is most important to each of us. Some men choose achievement, some fame. And I guess a big part of life is deciding for ourselves what we value the most.

I've been pretty lucky in my life to have had the chance to be a part of a lot of things, as I've written from time to time, stuff I never imagined growing up in an auto town. And having tasted so many of the things other men dream of --power over thousands, national fame, five-star hotels and fifty-dollar dinners-- I still believe, with all my heart, that the gifts of friendship and love, from family and friends, I have been so lucky to recieve are the best of all, better than any other. And among greatest of all gifts is the simple, but profound, friendship like that you share with Rey; or Ceredwyn with Keith; one big enough not only to embrace each other but the full circle of friends and interests you both share.

I agree with you --the gift of someone willing to share their lives not only with you, but with the friends and interests you hold dear, that's a gift worth waiting for, worth fighting for, and worth sacrificing for. :-)

singularity

[bookwoman72.livejournal.com]

Hi, I'm a friend of Panacea's from high school.

Several years ago, I decided that if I couldn't find someone who met my (reasonable) standards, I would stay single. I never thought that I needed a partner in order to be a complete person. Maybe it's because I'm an introvert who has a low entertainment threshold (easily amused). Maybe it's because I'm too stubborn to give up any significant part of who I am (or any of my friends) in order to please a partner.