lederhosen

DO HER BACK-AND-FORTH FOR HOURS

This could sort of work for a chase scene some time after he grows pedipalps, but it feels a bit Benny Hill. (Also, why does LJ's spellcheck not recognise "pedipalps"? Or for that matter "LJ's"?)

BECOME HER PASSIONATE LION

A lion with pedipalps, maybe, but I don't want it to turn into one of those stupid amalgam monsters.

[Edit: I'm just going to add the new ones in here as it seems appropriate]

A horror story told entirely through the headers of spam in my inbox.

ROCKET FUEL FOR YOUR SPACESHIP
A MOLD IS WIDELY USED
EMPOWER YOUR FLESHY THING
NEED REAL ANTI-FUNGAL?
INSANE PLEASURE IN BEDROOM
LOVEMAKING ALCHEMY
GROW YOUR PEDIPALPS THREE INCHES
DON'T LET YOUR MANHOOD DIE
BE HER MIGHTY NIGHT PREDATOR
GIVE HER OFTEN NIGHT ATTACKS