Not the rape meme

[lederhosen]

I've seen a few people posting the "don't rape her" meme and I've left it alone because, while I agree with most of the sentiments, there are just a couple of wrong notes. laochbran had a good post about the problems with it, which I won't repeat here. I'm just going to pick on these lines:

don't tell your women friends how to be safe and avoid rape.
don't imply that she could have avoided it if she'd only done/not done x.
don't imply that it's in any way her fault.
don't perpetuate a culture that tells you that you have no control over or responsibility for your actions.

I can understand why these lines appeal. The "she was asking for it" defence is as ancient as it is despicable, and the idea that a rapist's crime is in any way diminished by his victim's having taken risks needs to be stamped on, hard.

But "if you do this, you're less likely to become a victim of crime" is NOT the same statement as "if you don't do this, and you become a victim of crime, it's your fault". I agree that rape-avoidance tactics are not the primary answer to the problem, and should never be allowed to give the impression that women who don't follow them are legitimate targets; I don't agree with the implication that for those reasons, we shouldn't teach them.

Everybody has the right not to be raped, regardless of whether they're sitting in a high-security house with a shotgun under the pillow or blind drunk among strangers at a party. But in our less-than-ideal world, some things are riskier than others, and along with the right not to be raped, women have a right to know and understand the risks, so they can decide for themselves what chances they're willing to take.

Comments

[lederhosen.livejournal.com]

The best rape avoidance technique would be to never socialise with men one knows.

Only in the same sense that cutting one's own head off is the best cure for a cold. It's certainly effective, but IMHO 'best' is determined by the costs as well as the benefits.

[thette.livejournal.com]

Yes, but all other techniques only focus on stranger rape, which is a very small share of total rapes.

[lederhosen.livejournal.com]

all other techniques only focus on stranger rape

Physical self-defence techniques work just as well against acquaintances as strangers, and much of the "safe drinking" stuff is potentially helpful against date-rape. It's certainly *harder* to protect against acquaintance rape than the 15%-odd of rapes committed by strangers, but I don't think it's fair to say that rape-prevention techniques are completely useless there.

[17catherines.livejournal.com]

It should be noted that it is a lot harder to make yourself hit/hurt someone you know than it is to react against a stranger. Certainly, it's a lot harder to judge the point at which you are in sufficient danger to justify hitting/hurting.

Not an argument against self-defense, and goodness only knows how you train someone to figure that part out... perhaps freyaw's comments about teaching risk assessment and response might be an answer.

Completely unrelated to the topic at hand...

[freyaw.livejournal.com]

*wince* Suggesting that whatever illness or pain I was complaining of could be solved by cutting the offending part off at the neck is a traditional family method to effect not hearing about whatever it is any more.