Not the rape meme

[lederhosen]

I've seen a few people posting the "don't rape her" meme and I've left it alone because, while I agree with most of the sentiments, there are just a couple of wrong notes. laochbran had a good post about the problems with it, which I won't repeat here. I'm just going to pick on these lines:

don't tell your women friends how to be safe and avoid rape.
don't imply that she could have avoided it if she'd only done/not done x.
don't imply that it's in any way her fault.
don't perpetuate a culture that tells you that you have no control over or responsibility for your actions.

I can understand why these lines appeal. The "she was asking for it" defence is as ancient as it is despicable, and the idea that a rapist's crime is in any way diminished by his victim's having taken risks needs to be stamped on, hard.

But "if you do this, you're less likely to become a victim of crime" is NOT the same statement as "if you don't do this, and you become a victim of crime, it's your fault". I agree that rape-avoidance tactics are not the primary answer to the problem, and should never be allowed to give the impression that women who don't follow them are legitimate targets; I don't agree with the implication that for those reasons, we shouldn't teach them.

Everybody has the right not to be raped, regardless of whether they're sitting in a high-security house with a shotgun under the pillow or blind drunk among strangers at a party. But in our less-than-ideal world, some things are riskier than others, and along with the right not to be raped, women have a right to know and understand the risks, so they can decide for themselves what chances they're willing to take.

Comments

[ruth-lawrence.livejournal.com]

Yes, I agree.

It would not be helpful to mention, let alone dwell upon, failure to understand or follow risk-avoiding behaviour with a newly-raped person, but I for one don't thing we survivors can feel empowered unless we know there are ways to reduce the chances of a re-occurence.

[nicked-metal.livejournal.com]

Dammit, that's what I was trying to say! Bastard :)

Although, actually, I'd go with rape-avoidance tactics being the primary response. Because I don't believe there will ever be 'no dickheads'

[tyggerjai.livejournal.com]

Well, yeah.

Back in the days when I lived in a neighbourhood nice enough for Neighbourhood watch, they used to pass out leaflets on how not to get robbed, and I don't recall anyone complaining about perpetuating the victim culuture then. OR suggesting that it legitimised the act of theft.

sol.
.

[17catherines.livejournal.com]

I do agree that women have a right to know and understand risks - but I would like to point out that as a woman, it's very hard to reach the age of about 14 without having these drummed into you.

We are all told, repeatedly, not to walk anywhere alone after dark - or sometimes even in daylight (parks are dangerous places!), not to take public transport in the evening, to lock our doors when driving alone and not to go into carparks alone at night, not to get drunk when we are out with people, and so on... It amounts to a curfew, and I suspect the person writing the meme was trying to get at the fact that while this may be useful information to give to young girls, it is both a little insulting (we know, and we are already taking as much care as we can). Especially as this kind of advice appears to put the responsibility of rape prevention back onto the woman.

Which is not to say it isn't good to be informed about new and nasty tricks people might be playing, such as date-rape drugs etc.

I'm not sure where I'm going with this, exactly. I suppose I just feel significantly curfewed already - as though I would be seen as having taken a foolish risk if I got attacked walking home from the tram at night when I'm at work late, when in fact anything short of staying at home or always leaving work during daylight hours would put me at risk, since I've been told to be wary of walking, driving, taking public transport or taking a taxi!

I suppose the real trouble is it's all very well to be informed about risks - but really, the risks we are informed about are so all-encompassing that it is virtually impossible to live without having to take one of these 'risks' daily. To me this suggests that we should be trying to make the activities of daily life less risky, rather than telling women they have a responsibility to keep themselves safe at all time, when this more or less impossible.

I hope this isn't too incoherent, but it touched a nerve.

Catherine

[thette.livejournal.com]

The best rape avoidance technique would be to never socialise with men one knows. No contact with the male part of the family. No relationships with men. No contact with male co-workers or neighbours. It's just that some of us happen to think those are unacceptable suggestions.