Addendum - on That Guy
Jul. 6th, 2011 08:12 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
lederhosenAddendum to my previous post:
So, guys (and girls), it's good that you have no intention of harming anybody, but that's not enough: it's also important that THEY know this. Propositioning somebody alone, late at night, in a situation where they don't have a clear exit, is a really bad way to achieve that. So if you're in a position of power - physically, socially, whatever - you may want to find a way to step back from that. It may mean you feel a little less secure, but it decreases the chances of making somebody else feel threatened and uncomfortable. And if that doesn't matter to you, frankly, you don't deserve to get laid.
Several of the comments I've seen on this issue are along the lines of "if you're feeling insecure, do things to make yourself more secure". Learn martial arts. Carry a taser [though I'm not sure how practical that is for somebody travelling to a foreign country for a con?]. And so on...
Now, I have no issue at all with women making the choice to learn how to defend themselves. If a woman came up to me and said "I'm feeling insecure, what can I do about it?" I might give that advice. But that's not the context here. The context is:
"I want to be able to proposition women anywhere, anytime, because it might [very marginally] improve my chances of getting laid. I don't want to lose that just because I need to worry about your feelings of insecurity. So how about you make a major life choice* so I don't have to put in all the effort required to develop a tiny fraction of empathy?"
*It takes several years (and probably a good deal in dojo fees) to learn enough martial arts for self-defense. Regardless of where you stand on the right to bear arms, I think we can agree that carrying a weapon is a major life choice, and "because it might make it easier for Joe Random Stranger to get laid" is not an appropriate basis for making choices like that.
So, guys (and girls), it's good that you have no intention of harming anybody, but that's not enough: it's also important that THEY know this. Propositioning somebody alone, late at night, in a situation where they don't have a clear exit, is a really bad way to achieve that. So if you're in a position of power - physically, socially, whatever - you may want to find a way to step back from that. It may mean you feel a little less secure, but it decreases the chances of making somebody else feel threatened and uncomfortable. And if that doesn't matter to you, frankly, you don't deserve to get laid.
Several of the comments I've seen on this issue are along the lines of "if you're feeling insecure, do things to make yourself more secure". Learn martial arts. Carry a taser [though I'm not sure how practical that is for somebody travelling to a foreign country for a con?]. And so on...
Now, I have no issue at all with women making the choice to learn how to defend themselves. If a woman came up to me and said "I'm feeling insecure, what can I do about it?" I might give that advice. But that's not the context here. The context is:
"I want to be able to proposition women anywhere, anytime, because it might [very marginally] improve my chances of getting laid. I don't want to lose that just because I need to worry about your feelings of insecurity. So how about you make a major life choice* so I don't have to put in all the effort required to develop a tiny fraction of empathy?"
*It takes several years (and probably a good deal in dojo fees) to learn enough martial arts for self-defense. Regardless of where you stand on the right to bear arms, I think we can agree that carrying a weapon is a major life choice, and "because it might make it easier for Joe Random Stranger to get laid" is not an appropriate basis for making choices like that.
