Medical amusement

[lederhosen]

Via aleriel, a student doctors' forum discusses Things I Have Learned From My Patients. I think some of these guys might be sclerotic_rings' customers.

If you're on the street corner selling coke and you see the cops coming to bust you don't eat all your coke.
Stay away from people named "Some Guy" or "This One Dude", because they for whatever reason, just punch someone in the face or hit them with a crowbar and run off. If I see them on the street, I cross the street to get away from them.
If the two dudes live in YOUR city, don't sit out on your front porch reading the bible and minding your own business at 2 AM unless you are praying to be shot.
Don't road surf on the top of a moving stickshift car driven by your younger sibling with a learner's permit.
Latex paint, despite being thick and creamy, does not coat your stomach and provide the same relief as pepto bismol.
When your 15yo daughter gives precipitous delivery to a bleating, underweight infant 30 minutes after presenting to triage c "gas pains", you should run around the department loudly yelling, "I don't know what y'all did or who that baby is, but my lil' girl warn't pregnant when she come in here"
Alcohol, table saws, and flannel shirts do not mix.
Swallowing batteries gives you energy.
Only Santa will actually fit down a chimney. All the way down, anyway.
If you're trying to fake a generalized seizure, turning that ringing cell phone in your pocket off is gonna be conspicuous no matter how much you try to incorporate it into your clonic movements.


I got as far as page 8 before screaming "OH GOD MY EYES". Trust me, you really don't want to go past page 7.

Comments

[thette.livejournal.com]

I'm on page 32, and it's still hilarious, if a bit repetitive.

But then, I've heard some of these in real life. Such as the female urologist who have stopped asking how things ended up in people's bladders.

[texas-tiger.livejournal.com]

*sniff*

*is on page 30*

*crosses arms under breasts*

*sniff*

[panacea1.livejournal.com]

I found this gem on Page 31...

#2- That if you are a lieutenant colonel and you're going to shove your pager (his military issued pager complete with the clip holder thing) up your ass, and need to go to a hospital to have it removed, a few pointers:
a. Don't go to a military hospital
b. If you are going to go to a military hospital, remember not to go to the one on the base you work at.
c. The respiratory therapist (me) shouldn't be asking you for the pager number, not even "because we have to have the number for the report."
d. Don't be surprised when the ER staff amuses themselves for several hours while waiting on an OR to become available, by paging you repeatedly and watching you jump.

[silmaril.livejournal.com]

And thus of course you've guaranteed many people will go and immediately click on the link for Page 8.

A hint on what hurt your eyes so much, but not too much detail, please?

[lederhosen.livejournal.com]

People discover that a moderately common surgical technique allows a new way to have sex. Several posts down, this also becomes a new way to catch STDs.