Not the rape meme
Dec. 4th, 2005 12:02 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
lederhosenI've seen a few people posting the "don't rape her" meme and I've left it alone because, while I agree with most of the sentiments, there are just a couple of wrong notes. ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
laochbran had a good post about the problems with it, which I won't repeat here. I'm just going to pick on these lines:
don't tell your women friends how to be safe and avoid rape.
don't imply that she could have avoided it if she'd only done/not done x.
don't imply that it's in any way her fault.
don't perpetuate a culture that tells you that you have no control over or responsibility for your actions.
I can understand why these lines appeal. The "she was asking for it" defence is as ancient as it is despicable, and the idea that a rapist's crime is in any way diminished by his victim's having taken risks needs to be stamped on, hard.
But "if you do this, you're less likely to become a victim of crime" is NOT the same statement as "if you don't do this, and you become a victim of crime, it's your fault". I agree that rape-avoidance tactics are not the primary answer to the problem, and should never be allowed to give the impression that women who don't follow them are legitimate targets; I don't agree with the implication that for those reasons, we shouldn't teach them.
Everybody has the right not to be raped, regardless of whether they're sitting in a high-security house with a shotgun under the pillow or blind drunk among strangers at a party. But in our less-than-ideal world, some things are riskier than others, and along with the right not to be raped, women have a right to know and understand the risks, so they can decide for themselves what chances they're willing to take.
laochbran had a good post about the problems with it, which I won't repeat here. I'm just going to pick on these lines:don't tell your women friends how to be safe and avoid rape.
don't imply that she could have avoided it if she'd only done/not done x.
don't imply that it's in any way her fault.
don't perpetuate a culture that tells you that you have no control over or responsibility for your actions.
I can understand why these lines appeal. The "she was asking for it" defence is as ancient as it is despicable, and the idea that a rapist's crime is in any way diminished by his victim's having taken risks needs to be stamped on, hard.
But "if you do this, you're less likely to become a victim of crime" is NOT the same statement as "if you don't do this, and you become a victim of crime, it's your fault". I agree that rape-avoidance tactics are not the primary answer to the problem, and should never be allowed to give the impression that women who don't follow them are legitimate targets; I don't agree with the implication that for those reasons, we shouldn't teach them.
Everybody has the right not to be raped, regardless of whether they're sitting in a high-security house with a shotgun under the pillow or blind drunk among strangers at a party. But in our less-than-ideal world, some things are riskier than others, and along with the right not to be raped, women have a right to know and understand the risks, so they can decide for themselves what chances they're willing to take.
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no subject
Date: 2005-12-04 08:07 am (UTC)But the advice never fails to irritate me firstly because, as you may have gathered, it does tend to be patronising when directed at adult women (which, sadly, it often is), and secondly because on all four occasions when I have been attacked I have been in allegedly 'safe' situations - broad daylight, in the company of people I knew, etc. And it irritates me beyond belief that the first question asked on the occasion I told someone else about one of these events was "Well, what were you wearing?"!!
Which has the odd (and admittedly foolish) effect that I'm fairly sanguine about walking around the city at night if I must, because if I decide to be paranoid about risk situations, I have to be paranoid about walking home from work in broad daylight, which is just silly. And my little inner unionist points out that if enough women DID wander around the city at night as if it were safe, it would eventually become safer...
Sorry, I am definitely losing any thread of argument I might have had. And I'm not disagreeing with you so much as quibbling at bits of it...
Catherine, much less argumentative than she looks. Really.