Useful advice from James Dobson

[lederhosen]

I happened across this while browsing friends-of-friends...

James Dobson of Focus on the Family, offers useful tips from his friend Joseph Nicolosi on preventing your child from growing up gay.

Some of the highlights:

Perhaps you are concerned about your child and his or her "sexual development." Maybe your son or daughter is saying things like, "I must be gay," or "I'm bisexual." You've found same-sex porn in his room or evidence that he has accessed it on the Internet. You've found intimate journal entries about another girl in her diary. The most important message I can offer to you is that there is no such thing as a "gay child" or a "gay teen." [But] left untreated, studies show these boys have a 75 percent chance of becoming homosexual or bisexual.

Mmm. Snooping in the kid's private diary, very classy. Having parents s/he can't trust makes it SO much easier for a kid to deal with these issues.

Meanwhile, the boy's father has to do his part. He needs to mirror and affirm his son's maleness. He can play rough-and-tumble games with his son, in ways that are decidedly different from the games he would play with a little girl. He can help his son learn to throw and catch a ball. He can teach him to pound a square wooden peg into a square hole in a pegboard. He can even take his son with him into the shower, where the boy cannot help but notice that Dad has a penis, just like his, only bigger.

Hell, they can pull on skin-tight costumes and cruise around town fighting crime together!

Comments

[wingedkami.livejournal.com]

He can help his son learn to throw and catch a ball.
Because girls aren't supposed to play catch?

He can teach him to pound a square wooden peg into a square hole in a pegboard.
Because girls aren't supposed to recognise shapes?

He can even take his son with him into the shower
Wasn't this supposed to be stopping him being gay?

These people confuse me.

[insaint.livejournal.com]

That's what I was thinking, too.

I'm also wondering exactly how much teaching is required to pound a square peg into a square hole. (And exactly how the ability to do that affirms one's masculinity.)

[elynne.livejournal.com]

(And exactly how the ability to do that affirms one's masculinity.)

Ungh! Urgh smash! Urgh pound peg! Urgh use hammer! *grunt grunt*

[lederhosen.livejournal.com]

I'm not sure whether this is "hammering things is masculine!" or "putting pegs in holes is masculine!"

But then, in a way the whole article is about hammering square pegs into round holes...

[pandora-ilona.livejournal.com]

My goodness! I once had faith that this guy knew what he was talking about.

The part that really threw me, was that guys were the focus, and the girls could do what they pleased.

[reynardo.livejournal.com]

But didn't you know that lesbians don't exist. After all, Queen Victoria said so, and she was a queen so she *must* be right.

[corruptedjasper.livejournal.com]

You've found intimate journal entries about another girl in her diary.

He acknowledges the existence, apparently, so that's not it. But clearly the Lesbos are much less dangerous to the fabric of society. After all, two girls is *sexy* while two guys is just icky.

Or something along those lines.

Also: the "pounding a peg into a board" comment almost makes me suspect a spoof. I mean, fer crying out loud.

[elynne.livejournal.com]

Men who are gay can't impregnate women (if they aren't sexually attracted to them), wheras woman who are lesbians can be impregnated even if they aren't attracted to men - they just have to lie back and Pray to Jesus, which is what they should be doing anyway. So it's not nearly so important if girls turn lesbian, as long as they're willing to keep makin' good Xtian babies!

[quizzicalsphinx.livejournal.com]

Yes, son, let's pound this peg into this nice passive board. Never mind those little creaks and groans as the wood protests; the board really likes having the peg jammed into it. ::rolls eyes::

Take your son into the shower with you? The hell?

[lederhosen.livejournal.com]

Pegboards... OF GOR!

[lederhosen.livejournal.com]

I would've wondered myself, but that really is Focus on the Family's website, and Dobson is their head honcho. He's the same guy who complained about Spongebob Squarepants' involvement in a pro-tolerance video.

[jazzmasterson.livejournal.com]

Also the charming fellow who wrote seriously about beating the living shit out of his dachsund with a belt, as an example of the kind of discipline you should show your children.

I had seen this defiant mood before, and knew there was only one way to deal with it. The ONLY way to make Siggie obey is to threaten him with destruction. Nothing else works. I turned and went to my closet and got a small belt to help me "reason" with Mr. Freud.

What developed next is impossible to describe. That tiny dog and I had the most vicious fight ever staged between man and beast. I fought him up one wall and down the other, with both of us scratching and clawing and growling and swinging the belt. I am embarrassed by the memory of the entire scene. Inch by inch I moved him toward the family room and his bed. As a final desperate maneuver, Siggie backed into the corner for one last snarling stand. I eventually got him to bed, only because I outweighed him 200 to 12!

[lederhosen.livejournal.com]

I'm torn between the basic ick and wondering what sort of man names a sausage dog "Sigmund Freud" here.

Poor dog :-(

[jazzmasterson.livejournal.com]

Poor kids whose parents read that book.

I really wish sometimes that the earth would open up and swallow Mr. Dobson....

[elynne.livejournal.com]

He can even take his son with him into the shower, where the boy cannot help but notice that Dad has a penis, just like his, only bigger.

..... wow. That bit right there... wow. Uh. Yeaaaaah.

playing catch

[bookwoman72.livejournal.com]

My dad can't catch or do anything else athletic. Is that why one of my brothers is gay?

Re: playing catch

[lederhosen.livejournal.com]

Yep. It's important to know who to blame!

Re: playing catch

[jazzmasterson.livejournal.com]

Also, don't forget the shower and the penis and things. Very important.

[ambitious-wench.livejournal.com]

You know, I have a co-worker who is convinced that I am not straight because I've had sexual trauma as a child.

How come most of the women in America aren't lesbians, then?

How do you explain that it's not about who you hate, but who you love?

Edie
Somewhere in the wilds of Yosemite.

[tcpip.livejournal.com]

This is so funny it's hard to do a parody of it...

[jazzmasterson.livejournal.com]

I've given up on parodies of the american religious right. They outdo themselves, all we can really do is sit back and be amused until we remember that these freaks are actually running the country.

That's when the screaming begins.

[reynardo.livejournal.com]

Remember - flights, Sydney, we have a spare room...

[madcatapult.livejournal.com]

He can even take his son with him into the shower, where the boy cannot help but notice that Dad has a penis, just like his, only bigger.

For me the most distressing thing here is the deliberate stipulation only bigger. The rest of the sentence would have sounded semi-normal without it. But let's not forget that size separates real men from weenies.

penises

[bookwoman72.livejournal.com]

As far as I can tell, gay guys are in fact aware that they have penises, and most even know what size.

Re: penises

[lederhosen.livejournal.com]

I'd thought so too...

[manna]

He can even take his son with him into the shower, where the boy cannot help but notice that Dad has a penis, just like his, only bigger.

It's things like this which make me glad I have this icon loaded. I mean, really. WHAT THE FUCK?