i'm glad that you wrote this and i think that you are wise for putting things this way. when i had a friend who underwent severe horrible trauma once years ago, all we (her friends) thought about was ways to kill, maim and otherwise cause vengeance to the perpetrator but none of us knew anything to do to take care of our friend, to let her know it wasn't her fault or really comfort her (she was against the violence.) and so i appreciate your calm voice.