lederhosen (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
lederhosen) wrote2005-12-04 12:02 pm
lederhosen) wrote2005-12-04 12:02 pm
Not the rape meme
I've seen a few people posting the "don't rape her" meme and I've left it alone because, while I agree with most of the sentiments, there are just a couple of wrong notes. ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
laochbran had a good post about the problems with it, which I won't repeat here. I'm just going to pick on these lines:
don't tell your women friends how to be safe and avoid rape.
don't imply that she could have avoided it if she'd only done/not done x.
don't imply that it's in any way her fault.
don't perpetuate a culture that tells you that you have no control over or responsibility for your actions.
I can understand why these lines appeal. The "she was asking for it" defence is as ancient as it is despicable, and the idea that a rapist's crime is in any way diminished by his victim's having taken risks needs to be stamped on, hard.
But "if you do this, you're less likely to become a victim of crime" is NOT the same statement as "if you don't do this, and you become a victim of crime, it's your fault". I agree that rape-avoidance tactics are not the primary answer to the problem, and should never be allowed to give the impression that women who don't follow them are legitimate targets; I don't agree with the implication that for those reasons, we shouldn't teach them.
Everybody has the right not to be raped, regardless of whether they're sitting in a high-security house with a shotgun under the pillow or blind drunk among strangers at a party. But in our less-than-ideal world, some things are riskier than others, and along with the right not to be raped, women have a right to know and understand the risks, so they can decide for themselves what chances they're willing to take.
laochbran had a good post about the problems with it, which I won't repeat here. I'm just going to pick on these lines:don't tell your women friends how to be safe and avoid rape.
don't imply that she could have avoided it if she'd only done/not done x.
don't imply that it's in any way her fault.
don't perpetuate a culture that tells you that you have no control over or responsibility for your actions.
I can understand why these lines appeal. The "she was asking for it" defence is as ancient as it is despicable, and the idea that a rapist's crime is in any way diminished by his victim's having taken risks needs to be stamped on, hard.
But "if you do this, you're less likely to become a victim of crime" is NOT the same statement as "if you don't do this, and you become a victim of crime, it's your fault". I agree that rape-avoidance tactics are not the primary answer to the problem, and should never be allowed to give the impression that women who don't follow them are legitimate targets; I don't agree with the implication that for those reasons, we shouldn't teach them.
Everybody has the right not to be raped, regardless of whether they're sitting in a high-security house with a shotgun under the pillow or blind drunk among strangers at a party. But in our less-than-ideal world, some things are riskier than others, and along with the right not to be raped, women have a right to know and understand the risks, so they can decide for themselves what chances they're willing to take.
no subject
The culture that supports rape is the same culture that supports racism - both are cultures of one group using force to maintain its standing above the other group.
The vast majority of forced sexual situations (which may or may not meet the legal definition of rape) are committed by someone the woman knows: 46% by someone she was in love with; 22% by someone she knew well; 19% by an aquaintance; and 9% by her spouse (only 4% by strangers). (Based on a 1994 report of Sex in America - one of the most representative sexuality surveys run in the US.) So rape-avoidance tactics are often of little use because I woman doesn't think she's in a situation to need them in most instances of rape.
The number of men who state that they would force a woman into sex if they knew they could get away with it is startling. (I can't find the statistical reference - problem of revising my Human Sexuality notes over the years - but I'm fairly confident that it is over 50% in one study.)
I could go on - but I'm sure you really don't want to read my lecture notes for the next chapter I cover in Human Sexuality.