lederhosen: (Default)
lederhosen ([personal profile] lederhosen) wrote2005-12-04 12:02 pm

Not the rape meme

I've seen a few people posting the "don't rape her" meme and I've left it alone because, while I agree with most of the sentiments, there are just a couple of wrong notes. [livejournal.com profile] laochbran had a good post about the problems with it, which I won't repeat here. I'm just going to pick on these lines:

don't tell your women friends how to be safe and avoid rape.
don't imply that she could have avoided it if she'd only done/not done x.
don't imply that it's in any way her fault.
don't perpetuate a culture that tells you that you have no control over or responsibility for your actions.


I can understand why these lines appeal. The "she was asking for it" defence is as ancient as it is despicable, and the idea that a rapist's crime is in any way diminished by his victim's having taken risks needs to be stamped on, hard.

But "if you do this, you're less likely to become a victim of crime" is NOT the same statement as "if you don't do this, and you become a victim of crime, it's your fault". I agree that rape-avoidance tactics are not the primary answer to the problem, and should never be allowed to give the impression that women who don't follow them are legitimate targets; I don't agree with the implication that for those reasons, we shouldn't teach them.

Everybody has the right not to be raped, regardless of whether they're sitting in a high-security house with a shotgun under the pillow or blind drunk among strangers at a party. But in our less-than-ideal world, some things are riskier than others, and along with the right not to be raped, women have a right to know and understand the risks, so they can decide for themselves what chances they're willing to take.

[identity profile] harliquinn.livejournal.com 2005-12-04 12:49 pm (UTC)(link)
where I grew up, it was also pounded into you to not park in shadowy carparks, lock your car doors at night when driving, etc. I think my mom was the first to suggest to lock car doors in broad daylight when driving through unsavory sections of the city.

HOWEVER, it wasn't until I was long since off in Chicago that I found those utterly useless in situations that no one had thought to suggest as dangerous. Hell, riding the El at rush-hour is dangerous as it is. Walking down the sidewalk in daylight (or night) and being UNAWARE of who is around you and who might be following you.

A good sense of what is a risk for you, at that moment is probably the best idea. Otherwise all you see, as you say, is encompassing NO! NO! signs which will prevent you from walking down the street, leaving your home, or opening the dishwasher. I wonder if lobbying for Risk Assesment classes for teenagers would actually help young women (and young men) become better judges of their environment.