Not the rape meme

[lederhosen]

I've seen a few people posting the "don't rape her" meme and I've left it alone because, while I agree with most of the sentiments, there are just a couple of wrong notes. laochbran had a good post about the problems with it, which I won't repeat here. I'm just going to pick on these lines:

don't tell your women friends how to be safe and avoid rape.
don't imply that she could have avoided it if she'd only done/not done x.
don't imply that it's in any way her fault.
don't perpetuate a culture that tells you that you have no control over or responsibility for your actions.

I can understand why these lines appeal. The "she was asking for it" defence is as ancient as it is despicable, and the idea that a rapist's crime is in any way diminished by his victim's having taken risks needs to be stamped on, hard.

But "if you do this, you're less likely to become a victim of crime" is NOT the same statement as "if you don't do this, and you become a victim of crime, it's your fault". I agree that rape-avoidance tactics are not the primary answer to the problem, and should never be allowed to give the impression that women who don't follow them are legitimate targets; I don't agree with the implication that for those reasons, we shouldn't teach them.

Everybody has the right not to be raped, regardless of whether they're sitting in a high-security house with a shotgun under the pillow or blind drunk among strangers at a party. But in our less-than-ideal world, some things are riskier than others, and along with the right not to be raped, women have a right to know and understand the risks, so they can decide for themselves what chances they're willing to take.

Comments

[thette.livejournal.com]

Yes, but all other techniques only focus on stranger rape, which is a very small share of total rapes.

[lederhosen.livejournal.com]

all other techniques only focus on stranger rape

Physical self-defence techniques work just as well against acquaintances as strangers, and much of the "safe drinking" stuff is potentially helpful against date-rape. It's certainly *harder* to protect against acquaintance rape than the 15%-odd of rapes committed by strangers, but I don't think it's fair to say that rape-prevention techniques are completely useless there.

[17catherines.livejournal.com]

It should be noted that it is a lot harder to make yourself hit/hurt someone you know than it is to react against a stranger. Certainly, it's a lot harder to judge the point at which you are in sufficient danger to justify hitting/hurting.

Not an argument against self-defense, and goodness only knows how you train someone to figure that part out... perhaps freyaw's comments about teaching risk assessment and response might be an answer.