lederhosen (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
lederhosen) wrote2005-12-04 12:02 pm
lederhosen) wrote2005-12-04 12:02 pm
Not the rape meme
I've seen a few people posting the "don't rape her" meme and I've left it alone because, while I agree with most of the sentiments, there are just a couple of wrong notes. ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
laochbran had a good post about the problems with it, which I won't repeat here. I'm just going to pick on these lines:
don't tell your women friends how to be safe and avoid rape.
don't imply that she could have avoided it if she'd only done/not done x.
don't imply that it's in any way her fault.
don't perpetuate a culture that tells you that you have no control over or responsibility for your actions.
I can understand why these lines appeal. The "she was asking for it" defence is as ancient as it is despicable, and the idea that a rapist's crime is in any way diminished by his victim's having taken risks needs to be stamped on, hard.
But "if you do this, you're less likely to become a victim of crime" is NOT the same statement as "if you don't do this, and you become a victim of crime, it's your fault". I agree that rape-avoidance tactics are not the primary answer to the problem, and should never be allowed to give the impression that women who don't follow them are legitimate targets; I don't agree with the implication that for those reasons, we shouldn't teach them.
Everybody has the right not to be raped, regardless of whether they're sitting in a high-security house with a shotgun under the pillow or blind drunk among strangers at a party. But in our less-than-ideal world, some things are riskier than others, and along with the right not to be raped, women have a right to know and understand the risks, so they can decide for themselves what chances they're willing to take.
laochbran had a good post about the problems with it, which I won't repeat here. I'm just going to pick on these lines:don't tell your women friends how to be safe and avoid rape.
don't imply that she could have avoided it if she'd only done/not done x.
don't imply that it's in any way her fault.
don't perpetuate a culture that tells you that you have no control over or responsibility for your actions.
I can understand why these lines appeal. The "she was asking for it" defence is as ancient as it is despicable, and the idea that a rapist's crime is in any way diminished by his victim's having taken risks needs to be stamped on, hard.
But "if you do this, you're less likely to become a victim of crime" is NOT the same statement as "if you don't do this, and you become a victim of crime, it's your fault". I agree that rape-avoidance tactics are not the primary answer to the problem, and should never be allowed to give the impression that women who don't follow them are legitimate targets; I don't agree with the implication that for those reasons, we shouldn't teach them.
Everybody has the right not to be raped, regardless of whether they're sitting in a high-security house with a shotgun under the pillow or blind drunk among strangers at a party. But in our less-than-ideal world, some things are riskier than others, and along with the right not to be raped, women have a right to know and understand the risks, so they can decide for themselves what chances they're willing to take.
no subject
I play bridge, have since I was 11. It was generally assumed that my parents were tutoring me, up until the point where I laughed at the suggestion two years ago. They were working, tired, and too busy to do anything with each other, let alone me. It was also assumed that they were aware of the behaviour of some of my fellow under-25 bridge players (and, less visibly, some of the adults). Another assumption: That I would use the support network that was apparently there for young bridge players if I needed it. I needed it, didn't know about it, and assumed that the behaviour I was experiencing was condoned because there was no help to be found anywhere. Since visibly reaching adulthood, several persons have, in conversation, mentioned that they used to be really worried about me, but they thought my parents were handling it. People who didn't think I needed counselling enough to help me pay for it, even after my school counsellor spat the dummy at them? Fat chance.
Umm, yeah. Flicks my switch. Let me just turn that off, now...