Dec. 6th, 2015

In memoriam

Dec. 6th, 2015 10:13 am
lederhosen: (Default)
Ten years today since I last spoke with my mother. Neither of us had any idea it was going to be the last time. G and I were planning to drive down to Canberra three days later on a Friday and do family Christmas stuff with my parents. Instead we ended up driving down very fast on the Thursday; she was still alive when I got there but I don't know if she knew I was there, and a few hours later she was gone.

Afterwards, one of her closest friends told me "I loved her, but she was mad, you know". In some ways that was the most helpful thing anybody said to me about her. Because she was in some ways irrational, exasperating, difficult to deal with, and I saw much more of that side than the other friends and co-workers.

But she was also immensely kind and caring, with a strong sense of justice. She'd always been there for me (even when I might've wished otherwise...) and I heard countless stories about her kindness to others.

Ten years is a long time. Her sister's widower remarried - she'd have been pleased for him - and then abruptly died. Her mother died, having outlived two of her daughters, and that seems to have triggered healing between the survivors. She has two grandchildren, who she might have foreseen but never got to meet. My father has remarried (she'd have been happy to hear it) and I have a new brother (no idea WHAT she'd think about that!)

G and I have both changed careers. Dog-Or has gone; she never knew Basil. A couple of people who were close to me then have passed out of my life; others are still here.

I still have long hair (she'd disapprove) if not quite as much of it. She would undoubtedly have HATED my tattoo, but then if she was still here I wouldn't have it.

And we know what killed her - thanks in no small part to her and my late aunt - and we have some options for defending against it. So, there's that.

No profound insights here. It's complicated, probably always will be, until the last person who remembers her is gone too. Just feelings.

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